My Dear Friend,
I take it from the tone of our last conversation via text that things are not going very well for you. Did my last letter help? I am guessing you are in need of a few more notes about this new land you have entered. Okay, here goes....
You mentioned that you will be trying to date soon. Okay, well, I had better let you know where that part of social interaction has gone. This concept has gone where everything else that was defined as interaction went: the internet. Nobody meets people in person anymore, especially since "meeting someone in a bar" in now akin to "meeting someone in an STD factory". Nobody meets up in person anymore and PLEASE do not try meeting anyone in a coffee house. If you visit one you will understand why. Okay, to save you the trouble of getting an overprices late, here is the reason: Coffee shops are the new chapels, small houses of worship. Everyone at every table is within their own womb of sight and sound connection with abstractions on, or being entertained via the internet. Interactions with strangers IN PERSON does not happen. Sure, people talk with friends they bring, but even then, most of the time they ignore each other by checking their phones and, yes, the internet. Meeting strangers. conversing with strangers, is still done to some extent, but, you, as someone who deeply values language will find out, the society is turning more and more inward. (except for sports, the new True Religion but that will be another letter). So, where people meet, they meet and go on the internet. Some coffeehouses are full of people but are as quiet as churches because everyone is somewhere else in digital space.
(Did I mention that the internet is everywhere? Tell me something, did you ever see the Matrix...?)
You will have to sign up for an internet dating service. There are many of them. I cannot speak badly about them because I met my wife there. However, I will say that the process of finding her was akin to having an infected tooth. I say this having just suffered from one this past year. You will look at so many profiles that your eyes will cross and then when you meet the person you THINK you are a match with from their profile picture you will most likely get an experience that will require a Moriarty Exit to not see the other person again. It will be an experience like you have never experienced. And since EVERYONE has the Internet and NOBODY GOES OUT and BARS ARE FULL OF EVIL PEOPLE, the amount of people online looking for a meaningful in flesh relationship is staggering. Gird your loins and bring a can of mace, and maybe a tazer as well.
What I may have forgot to mention in the last letter was that we are now a society of people who no longer experience things. We record them and view them later, blurring the line between memory and reality. I did not say this. A movie star (George Clooney?) said in a radio interview, "What I notice these days is that when I am walking on the red carpet at a premier or something, nobody wants to shake hands. They are all taking a video of meeting me instead of meeting me. I can't look anybody on the eye. It is weird. people just are experiencing life anymore. They are recording it." So, videos and pictures will be part of any dating process. Since there is no cost to taking pictures or video, people now record every moment of their lives. Which, sigh,leads me to this...
I know you are a woman who cares deeply for people. You are private and quiet, though strong and not overly introverted. Words and actions mean something to you, especially now after all you have been through. Trust is so difficult. intimacy even more so. While I do not wish to ask you what course your dating will take, I had better warn you about contemporary practices in the field.
Did I mention the internet was everywhere and that porn was, like, the first or second thing it was ever used for? (Most likely ALL technology was used for porn right after it was invented.( "Nice cave drawings of a bison you got there. Nice, nice. What are you working on now? Oooooooooooooh yeah! Totally! I SO know her! Hey, how can I make a wah wah pedal out of these twigs?" etc) So this followed hand in hand with the new generations. Most expectations for both sexes, in one way or another, have a reference in porn. I would say this is true more for male expectations versus female ones, but it is truly crossed the sexes. So know that going into the game. Please note this is note everyone, but it is most likely much more prevalent than when you last hit the dating scene.
And, just so you know, the ease of recording activities has easily made it to the realm of sexuality. Do not be surprised if you start making inroads one date when you date pulls out their phone and starts to record the dalliances before them. I think it is because sexuality has become more on the screen than in the flesh and it only makes real sense when it is one the screen. This is common, to record what was once private. I would suggest you ask Francis Ford Cope-With-Me to put down their iPhone Panaflex if for no other reason than this: revenge porn. Yeah. You can be uploaded to the world in no time without your consent. And good luck in getting it off the web. It is pretty much impossible. So, if you can, please say no to reliving such experiences. Simply make new ones that bring you greater joy.
Oh, yes, and about sex in general. Supply and demand economics are in full and absolute play, with availability trumping scarcity and allowing a whole new application to Say's Law. Yeah, well, while you were away, things changed. Prostitution is still illegal in case you were wondering. But Craigslist has provided a whole new garden from which to draw flowers from. It is a place where people just get together for sex and that is. Please note that is someone mentions to you the term "hooking up" they either mean making out or having sex. While I am sure you have heard it before, I just wanted to be sure I warned you. What is left of language these days can carry a great deal of weight.
Since you are, and always have been, a damn good person, I should warn you that it seems that the extremes have taken up the most (but by no means all) of the ground. You will find that there are just as many views on the other side of the emotional and moral map. Where you go will be your decision. I simply ask that you have patience and strength and that you do not compromise one molecule of your amazing self for anyone. You have fought too hard for it and I know this for we shared many battles, Divine Providence allowing us to call each other at just the right time to save each other from being caught off guard or from bleeding to death. That is why I am telling you all this, so you can get out there and find a life that is rich and full and beautiful and worthy of the freedom you have been called to.
Oh yes. One last thing. PLEASE DO NOT GET A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!! You need privacy and now is not the time to allow your entire past back into your life. Once you open that window of social media, it is almost impossible to close it. I am not saying that it is all bad because it isn't. Just now, please consider living quietly without any digital distortion. You already know how to get in touch with many people without it. Just wait. Trust me.
Please forgive me if you found this a bit too upfront, but I believe you needed to know these things. I just want you to keep your sacred self, well, sacred. So go, get out there and may the days ahead be filled with many amazing stories full of joy and wonder. I shall write more soon.
With Deepest Friendship and Music,
Michael
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